Mid Year Review (2 months late)

Hello mocha drinkers and miscellaneous drink drinkers. My mateo Brento said that i should do a MID YEAR REVIEWO to summarize up the year so far in the mochaccino reviewing business. And YES i am FULLY aware that it is now infact August 23rd 2010, and that it is 2 months and 23 days late from it actually being the middle of the year, wiseguy. BUTNONETHELESS im gonna do it cause it is a good idea and its also fun writing nonsensical and typo riddled things on the internet for people to read.

It has been a successful year so far, the mochaccino reviewing business has survived the international economic crisis, bad mochas (thanks a lot mangawhai), ridicule from da h8rs, my own ignorance at how coffees actually work, Blogger's clog, and so on.

by far the best experience (including aptmosphere, music, staff coolness, best coffee company) BY FAR SO FAR has been Good One. its a pretty out of the way place, very unassuming from the outside. one time when greg and i went there they were playing fuckin SNOOP DOGG & DR DRE. it was by far the meanest soundtrack played at a coffee place.

i mean, i do know someone who works there but HONEST TO G man that does not affect my opinion.

the PERHAPS only downside to the goodone mocha is that its kinda small. but that does not matter, cause they are so god damn satisfying. as big nick said: "i wouldnt need antoher one cause that one was so satisfying" (not that it actually mattered cause we got a mocha, then a fucking MOCHA MILKSHAKE (future review to come, but lets just say it was amazing))

but here is a graph displaying my point:

Commendations go to Ripe for having some pretty cool ideas for a cafe. ive seen them doing promotions offering trades on coffees for your lemons, feijoas and other vegetables grown at home. And all their food is awesome.

BUT this year was not without controversy, Greggg and i have some major beef with people at cafes not offering marshmallows with the mochas. even when they are clearly on the bench. OBVIOUSLY if we are wanting a drink like a mocha, then we are OBVIOUSLY going to want some friggin marshmallows in it okay mate? and even worse is people asking if we want them IN IT or ON TOP. im not paying for two separate orders, one of a mocha, and another of marshmallows. just chuck em in please. yes.

this is probably the worst mochasceneo yet, and for that i apologise. but if youre looking for someone to blame, blame brento. it was all his idea. i just do what people tell me.

ehhh by the way. im down for people to start doing follow up reviews on the ones i have done. just let me know where you went and what the deal was and if it is up to the HIGH STANDARDS of writing that this thing is kept to, then i will put it up. yeah.

oooooh yeah, there is a thing up the top so you can 'like' us on facebook. fuck that was lame. sorry.

CHOLATE BOOTEEIC

anyone, ANYONEEEEEEEE who knows me (gilly) will tell you that one of my biggest passions in life is Ice Cream. yes, some people enjoy helping society, going to church, and such positive type activities, but mine is ICE/D CREAM. So when my man GREGGG pointed out that at CHOCOLATE BOUTIQUE on parnell rise (im not sure of the actual street name) they had a mother fuckin MOCHA AFFOGATO, well, needless to say that i got a tad EXCITE.

I know a some people who work there, but i SWEAR to you that that does not bare any sort of misalignment on my judgement as judge of this mocha blog.

Sorry bout the terrible photo it must have been terrible lighting. also i apologise for gregs terrible table manners by texting at the table.

lets just ditch the 'out-of-ten' rating for this, and use a 'percentage-of-enjoyment' rating.

this rating was %100 percent.

god damn baby girl i think this was one of the most delicious things ive ever eaten

BASICALLY, an Affogato is an italian (cowboy boot) dessert that is ice cream that has an Espresso shot poured over it. BUT, this also had chocolate sauce all up on it.

the ice cream was good quality, smooth in texture, it was the right temperature, it was soft but not melting. and once you ate the ice cream, there was a creamy chocolatey coffee swamp at the bottom. nice.

its not any more simple than that.

Love,

Gilliam xoxo

Hello dukes and dames, long time no see (for you (reading this))

i havent written a bloggy in a long time, mostly because I've hit the height of my writing capabilities. and so, dear reader, please do not expect too many more funnies or good writing from any more mochasceneos reviews. perhaps its time to expand into other realms of casual food reviewing? ... Ice cream? Japanese confectionery? please let me know, thank you

regards,

Gilliam.

Il Forno, 55 Mackelvie st, Ponsonby

**i cant find the photo anywhere on my cellular telephone!~!!!!!**

Gregs comments on this mocha include:

"stop the presses" and something else which i cant remember.

Appearance:

its probably for the best that you didnt have a photo, as it was pretty ... you guessed it: generio

Flavour:

This is a pretty delicious mocha, as greg pointed out earlier through quote. they use some sort of fancy bean that i have not seen the likes of before. i think its from italia ... maybe roma? or firenze?

it was full bodiedd and nice and stuff

Foam:

great foam, love the foam

Marshmallow:

cant remember, pretty sure it didnt eh lol :(

conclusion inn:

pretty fine mochaccino

done.

7.3/10 thumbs up

GOOD ONE, 42 DOUGLAS STREET, PONSONBY

HI! GILLY HERE! TODAY MY FRIEND JORSH CHEAPSKATES AND I WENT TO GET A MOCHA TODAY, WE WENT TO HIS GIRLFRIEND JANES WORK ITS CALLED "GOOD ONE" AND ITS IN PONSONBY, BUT I DIDNT HOLD THAT AGAINST IT HAHA!

WELL. HERE IT IS:

APPEARANCE:

THIS IS PROBABLY THE BEST LOOKING MOCHA I HAVE HAD RECEIVED YET. IT WAS KINDA LIKE A TRAFFIC LIGHT BUT IN MOCHA VERSION. IT HAD THE CHOCOLATE (REAL) AT THE BOTTOM WITH COFFEE TAKING UP THE REST OF IT I GUESS. NO CHOCOLATE POWER ON TOP BUT THAT DOESNT MATTER.

FLAVOUR:

THIS MOCHA WAS BEAUTEOUS. I SPENT A LONG TIME STIRRING UP THE CHOCOLATE AT THE BOTTOM TO MAKE SURE IT WAS WELL MIXED. BUT IT WAS FANTASTIC, IT WAS LIKE IT HAD TWO DIMENSIONS: SEPERATE CHOCOLATE AND COFFEE TEXTURES. YOUD HAVE TO TRY IT TO SEE WHAT I MEAN, BUT IT WAS VERY NICE.

TEMPERATURE:

WELL, IM GOING TO SAY THIS WAS GOOD.... BUT THIS IS BECAUSE I SPENT AGES STIRRING IT SO BY THE TIME I GOT TO DRINK IT IT WAS WARM, NOT HOT... ALSO, JOSH AND I HAD THE ARGUEMENT FOR A SECOND TIME ABOUT COFFEE TEMPERATURE, AND HERE IS THE PICTURE AGAIN FOR REFERENCE ON WHY I AM RIGHT (THAT THEY SHOULD BE ABOVE PERFECT DRINKING TEMPERATURE)

FOAM RATIO:

I CANT REALLY REMEMBER THIS, BUT IT WAS PROBABLY GOOD AS

MARSHMALLOW?

NO MARSHMALLOW....

IN CONCLUSION, THIS WAS A DAMN FINE MOCHACHEENO. THE ONLY THING THAT LET IT DOWN WAS THE TEMPERATURE WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN MY FAULT (PROBABLY)

8/10

I MADE IT THROUGH THE WHOLE THING WITHOUT USING "GOOD ONE" AS A PUN ANYWHERE HA HAAAAAAAAA

this blog as been an experiment to see if when you read this it is yelled in your head. if so, please tell me.

also, SNSD/Girls Generation have two new videos out. and they are both real goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

This song has the most ruthless line ever written into a pop song:

"half the world are men, it makes no difference if youre here"

amazing

Metropolenis, HAMTILTON?!??!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

this review is brought to you from hamilton ... well kind of, got a mocha IN hamilton and im just writing this shit up from what i can kind of remember. which is not that much. as we were distracted by the weird local hamiltonians walking past. they do construct a nice mocha, as you will see in this post maybe.

EDIT:

こんいちは！！！！！！！！=^_^=！！！！！

i have now started writing this again, around 15 months after starting to write it the first time. so this may be a semi-hazily remembering of what the mocha was like.

I DO HOWEVER REMEMBER ONE MAIN THING.

this mocha have mother fuckin CIMMANIN on it, or in it. this made it a somewhat unsual mochaccino.

this is to be expected from a city such as hamilton, which is infact the city of the future. if you do not believe me you should go check it out for yourself. they have a large bronze statue of a spaceman from the future.

So therefore the mocha that greg and myself got, while sitting on the lovely sidewalk of the main street of hamilton. enjoying the aptmosphere of an evening in the waikato. perhaps there was a rugby test on at the stadium, or perhaps parachute, or the hamilton 500 (car race)? or maybe even the A&P show!?

either way this mocha was highly delicious, from what i can recall.

im not sure if an ACTUAL review should be attempted as the only thing i can remember is about the cineman. cimmamin.

does anyone even like mochas anymore? im not sure. maybe no one ever liked them apart from greg and myself and big nick. please comment and stuff.

shout outs to luke rockell (http://www.facebook.com/lukerockell)

Chokolato, PALMERSTON NORTH

Note: to protect the identity of the person who made us the drink, we are changing his name to Molly for the duration of this review.

So here is what happened, the band i play drums in, DIE ALONE were playing a show in PALMERSTON NORTH, and this dude who is (maybe not after this) a friend of us made a mocha for the biggus nickus and I. we meandered in there like "oh wooooooord? they use actual REAL CHOCOLATE in their drinks? well gotdam baby girl sign us up" (actual thought (it wasnt actually a girl who told us but Molly)) ... not to mention it was a pleasure seeing Molly wear this tiny little fedora, lord knows i love me a fedora.

before Molly made us the drinks, i told him we were gonna review the shit out of this mocha. so he asked us if we liked coffeeish ones, and of course being a NEUTRAL and UNBIASED and PROFESSIONAL reviewer, i said to just make it however he likes them, to which he replied "i dont drink coffee" (remember that for later) which we then got a choice of what kind of chocolate in the mocha. Dairy, dark, or white. being your average run-of-the-mill white dude guy i chose Dairy.... Nick got all three flavours of chocolates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he was in flavour country

And thats when we received the drinks, im pretty sure out of spite and hatred for coffee drinkers, Molly neglected to actually put any coffee in it. Its like forgeting to put cement in a concrete mix (or yeast in a bread recipe for all the ladies out there)

Nick really really really enjoyed his one though which was a positive, that guy is impossible to please.

i give this mocha about 4/10

if you see this guy around please punch him in the weinis

But here is a lovely photo of him and big nick on halloween. they were dressed as Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwartzanagerrer from the movie twins.

Hello gaijin, whats the news? how are yous? (and other rhymes)

Its been quite a while since the last update, and for that i apologise. I have been finding it hard to think of what to write about, which is weird for a blog that has set conditions on which i "judge" the mochas upon. But alas it has been time for a new "review".

This review was decided to be done on Good Friday, which is when this dude jesus was killed for reasons that are still a bit foggy. We are pretty sure its cause he made it rain frogs at this dude Goliath's house and then the Goliath dude got super pissed and challenged jesus to a fight but then jesus changed all the water in goliaths water bottle to wine and Goliath got real pissed and fell over in a river and caused a huge flood which killed all but two of every animal. We were unsure if the place would be open cause some stores are closed or someshit on good friday? which is ridiculous because through careful social scrutination, and Greggg having a masters in Ancient History (from what has been explained to me sounds like it is mostly learning about the meaning of Phalluses in ancient Egyptian cave markings) is that we are sure that if jesus lived today, he would still have the beard, the long hair, probably a deep V neck t shirt and a fixed gear bike, which is also to say that he would love a coffee.

BUT I DIGRESS (and apologise to any potentially offended christian readers)

For this review we went to RIPE on Richmond rd in Grey Lynn. This has been a staple mocha getting place for me and greg for a long long time now, as they have consistent coffees and fuckkkkkkkkkkkkin mooooooooin foodstuffs.

Sorry this was the least erotic picture Greggg could take.

*Appearance

this was in a takeaway cuppy which is the only way they present them so shut up man its not like i was being lazy.

*Flavour

The reason why we go to ripe is because they have consistently good mochaccinos, and this time was no different. they are a fantastic ratio of coffee to chocolate and are perfectly milkyyy.

*temperature

i think it was probably gouda (good)

*foam ratio

PAPAER CUPS

*marshmallow

nah mang but got this mean as chocolate (w cherry) brownie (but i had to pay for it)

In conclusion, this was a mean mocha, just as what we have come to expect.

7.5/10

JYEAH

PS: our boy josh from cheapskate got his palm tattooed the other day. it rules. everyone should get their palm tattooed. except for me, cause my mum would fuckin smaaaaaash me. and she reads the blog. so ... hi mum

PPS: this song goes out to big nick cause he dropped the BOMB that he doesnt acutally like this song. RIDICULOUS. THIS ONES FOR YOU NICCKY